Dear Mum,
 

My sister just told me that she received theater grad school offers in London and New York, including Columbia. I have three things to say to you:
 

Fuck you.
IN. YO. FACE.
I’ve ordered a “My kid goes to Columbia” sweatshirt, because I’ve earned it.
 

When my sister stood on stage for her shining moment, she was wearing clothes that I’d put on her back, shoes that I put on her feet, and a necklace that I gave her. I gave her performance tips, advice on styling her natural hair (which I also groomed her to do, because you gave her shit about it), and she even took herself out for a celebratory dinner with money that I put in her pocket.
 

I have successfully undone all the bullshit you dumped into my sister’s life, and she is a shining star. Know what the best part is? I don’t have a hole in my heart, so it is full up of love and pride right now, whereas you will probably feel nothing much when you hear this news, if you even grasp what it means.
 

It sucks to be you. Too bad you don’t realize that.